Good God, Gösing! Get it together!

The jokes just aren't getting funny.


I had hoped that I was crazy with something my first week here, but I'm afraid I wasn't. The four weeks working in the vineyards for harvest, though taxing, now look like... well... I miss them.

As good as my boss and co-worker are to me, well... I'm too tired to be eloquent... they are driving me crazy. Both try to micromanage me (Uhm, I'm raking leaves. Like you told me to. Remember? See- I put them over there. Yeah, okay. No, really, I can do it in these shoes. I promise.) and neither one can delegate work very well (Take the buckets over there? Cool. Then what? Well, I don't think it will take me very long.)

I know what you're thinking, but it's not that. It's not the language. I thought it was, too. Wish that it was...

Today we bottled a thousand-odd bottles of white wine. Yes, all but one wine is white, but I can't remember what kind it was... Reisling? Maybe.

Anyhow.

For all bottling, the bottles go through a giant washing machine. You can put an entire flat of bottles into the machine (six at a time) before they will start coming out the other end. It is kind of amazing.

Today was only the second time we did bottling. The first time, we did juice, all day, and I can't remember how many thousand bottles we did. For juice, the bottles were sterilized with hot water, thus, the bottles were piping hot to handle afterwards.

With wine, the bottles we use are already sterilized and just need to have a cold rinse. No blasting hot water or piping hot bottles to worry about, but still, the machine needs to warm up a bit. And sometimes when the machine is cold, it needs a little prompting. It's easy. If a certian light goes out, you push a button and the machine starts working all hunky-doorey again. Nix problem.

'The machine. It is like a wife,' my boss tells me.
'Huh?'
'The machine. When it is cold. It is like a wife. It must... *warm up.*'

Now, in most situations, this could be perfectly hilarious. Completely hilarious. My boss certianly thought so.

It was sickening. He talks ill of women all the time, does not believe women can get a long with each other (this is a good story, too) and now I have found out that he thinks that all wives are fridgid bitches.

And yes, I'm sure if he had the words 'fridgid' and 'bitch' in his vocabulary he would have used them today.

And you know what, I don't think that I need to come back to Seattle yet, but I do think that I need out of Gösing. Damn this place is a black hole.


On the up side, I've started writing a new screen play. It's going to be called 'The Whinery.'

And yes, it is a comedy.

Toni-English

I am in Austria learning a new language. At times, it is like learning any new language: frustrating to understand the new sounds, let alone the meaning. The problem is, I'm not learning German or even the language of some of my co-workers (Polish).

I am learning what I call 'Toni-English.' And it is
AWESOME.

I mean, bless his heart! He loves to communicate with me in English and God knows I didn't understand shit in German my first week. Although, by the end of it, I could pick the word 'sheiza!' out of any sentence, anywhere.

Here are a few of the jems with a few fun quotes to follow. Enjoy!

Toni: You have to be careful whe you give away the caps.
Me: What?! (Thinking, 'I didn't give away anything! What caps???')
Toni: When you give away... the tops (makes hand motion to show top of a bottle)
Me: Uhm, I didn't give away anything...
Toni: Hm. Maybe not you then. Maybe Hans-Jörg. But be careful. Or maybe this happen. (Holds up his hand to show me a cut)
Me: Ohhh! Yeah. Me too. (I show him my cut on my hand)

Translation- In this case, 'give away' means removing the stubborn wrapper off of the necks of the bottles before you stack them in one of the many bins where unwrapped bottles are stacked.


Toni: I go catch up the track.

Translation- 'I am going to go get the tractor and bring it here.'

Often, 'catch' means 'get,' 'take' means 'put,' and thank the gods I learned the German word for 'bucket' and 'forklift.' I can't spell them in proper German but I know them when I hear them.


Toni: Okay, now you put the... what's the English word?
Me: Hose.
Toni: Now you put hose in the cannery.
Me: UH, where's the cannery?
Toni: There. (points to the ground, not to a building)
Me: ???
Toni: Cannery, there. There in the cannery. And turn on.
Me: Is it around the corner? By the tank room?
Toni: NO! In the CANNERY! THERE!

After a little more shouting and pointing at the ground near the gravel, I finally figure it out.
Translation- 'Cannery' means 'trench,' 'gutter' or 'canal.'


At breakfast before Day 2 of work.
Toni: I think you will be sore from all of the cleaning yesterday?
Me: Uhm, yeah. (I move my arms to see how sore) But not too bad.
Toni: We have magnesium. I give you a tablet. It will help.
Toni exits to the medicine cabinient and returns with a large, white pill. He grins big.
Toni: Here you go. Estacy.


Hans-Jörg is telling me about all the places I can bicycle on my day off.
Hans-Jörg: You must go and see Austria countryside. Is very beautiful. Is big...
Toni laughs hysterically.
Toni: Hans-Jörg! NO! Austria is not BIG! AMERICA is BIG!


There will be more. I am sure. There will be more...

All the Girls Standing in the Line for the Bathroom!

That is a quote from my favorite hip-hop song I have heard on FM4 here. I about died.

I'm a bit behind. A bit outdated on here. My apologies.
Will you excuse me if I say that I was nervous to ask to use the internet my first week here? And if I say I've been working 10 hour days?
Both are true. Honest!

But now I'm back, with a little teaser from week one. (A gal's gotta get to bed sometime so she can work the next day!)

I arrived after a nice view of this from my plane's window seat:

From

and spent the following day emptying bottles into casks:

From

a whole lot of casks:

From

then I cleaned the tank room. It was enthralling!

From Hello Austria! My frist day of work.

Please note the pink, Barbie gloves:

From Hello Austria! My frist day of work.

I think my boss gave them to me on purpose. I've been practicing 'I am not a sissy!' in German. It's my favorite phrase and I am waiting for just the right moment to use it... :)

Day Two: The bottle emptying marathon.

From Day 2 of Work

The set up: Bottles to be emptied (back), the un-corker (left), and the wonderful time saving emptying... holder? (right) (I can't believe I'm already loosing English...!)

From Day 2 of Work

From Day 2 of Work

My workout: Insert bottle. Push lever down. Push lever up. Dump bottle into rack and repeat.

Then,when you get sick of bottles, go find a new friend:

From Day 2 of Work

Can you find my friend?

So, my first two days (well, week, actually) had a lot of bottles in them. Bottles, bottles everyhere. Full, empty, broken, dirty, completely sterile and clean... you name it. I got kind of sick of seeing bottles. Then I asked myself what the hell I was doing at a winery if I don't like bottles.

I shook my head. I didn't think that one through.


(OH! But speaking of bathrooms! The toilets here have, like, little shelves in the bowl. It's not just a cave like ours in America. There is a high part and then a little low part where the water drains out. It's really weird. Like your poo is sitting on a shelf so you can examine it better.)